"I am fearfully and wonderfully made"

Self conciousness. I've never felt so single handedly self concious in my life. If you want to make a girl feel bad about herself go ahead and let her walk the runway. First off let me start this as a disclaimer as my idea of 'fun' is not being the last person to walk the runway as the fashion show finale. My idea of fun actually has nothing to do with walking in heels. Anyways I'm about to rant about the pressure society puts on woman to meet their standard of 'beautiful'. That standard of 'beautiful' women are held to is a lie. You look at the cover of magazines where women are perfectly sculpted by photoshop to redefine beauty as anorexia. That woman is probably wearing high heels again, another LIE. Your not really that tall but society values it so we continue lying. You don't actually look like that it's layers of makeup.

Why and for what? If we are made in the image of god, and he believes he's created us in his eyes as beautiful, then why should we wear make up or heels? Yet we as women still continue reinforcing these lies even if we are blisslessly aware of this fact.

The more I become more and more self aware in our relational training classes at Ithra the more I realize that I struggle from the hindrence self condemnation. While I'm not quite ready to share where this stems from in my life with all of my  followers and the entriety of the internet I do however have a hard time with this upcoming fashion show. I struggle between the tension this upcoming fashion show puts on my hindrence and quitting and letting a designer who has tailor made dress to fit me.

Before you jump down my throat hear me out. I do not believe in doing something that makes you feel so unworthy. I also do not believe in letting others down or quitting. 

At the beginning of this year Millie Cline gave us a task. That task was to roam around Cheeseman park until you found something beautiful. After you found you piece of beauty you had to describe it on paper. Millie then showed us those very adjectives we had just used to describe something we thought was beautiful was actually how others saw us and the way the Lord would describe us.

While I struggle with this decision I will not let the pressure I'm feeling let others down. 

Just an encouraging verse from the start of this year. Who knew I would make it full circle. 

Psalm 139:14

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Just a side note: 

Today as I learned more about how self condemnation hinders our relationships with others I learned that it prevents us from being vulnerable. And then I had the realization that I really am bad at being vulnerable with people for sure I keep them at arms length, but then even with this blog….I never post. So today in this post was an attempt I promised myself I would make this week at being vulnerable.