Friday, November 15, 2013
SOX PLACE
When you spend three months at Sox Place like I have you hear a lot of stories. Stories that will break your heart. Stories that have me asking god questions that will never be answered.
No child should ever have to endure what some of these kids go through on a daily basis. I can't imagine living in the misery of the streets at 9 years old,or eating out of dumpsters, or even my mom up and leaving me with nothing without a warning. I asked god to break my heart for what breaks his and boy did he.
These past three months have challenged me more than I thought was possible. I remember my first day at Sox Place. I was so scared mostly because of how intimidating everyone looked on the outside. The only girl I talked to was a blonde girl just like me. I remember thinking the only difference between me and her is that I have a safe place to stay at night and a warm bed to rest my head. I asked God to give me his eyes and ears so that I can be the hands of feet of Jesus. Slowly but surely I started to talk to people who were out of my comfort zone, and what I learned was this: they may have a little rougher exterior but they're god's children just like you and me. They need love, care and affection just like we do. They don't need someone to fix all their problems,above all they just need someone that will listen.
While Doyle certainly does his fair share of talking, he and the rest of the Sox Place staff are certainly great listeners. They are some of the greatest mentors anybody will ever have.
I've volunteered with a few other non-profits that also work with at risk youth, none of them build relationships like the team at Sox Place. Doyle and Jordan don't try and fix the kids, they don't push their Christian views on them either. What's cool about Sox Place is that the kids will come to them on their own terms.
Working at Sox Place I've learned I will not change the world, Jesus will do that. I can however, change the world for one person. Although I was only at Sox Place for a mere three months I'd like to think I've changed something for one the Sox Place kids. I look at all the relationships that Jordan, Doyle, and Benten have with the kids and I really do see how they're lives are better for them. My wish is that you can help Doyle and the rest of Sox Place continue god's work with these kids for I know in my heart god has so much more in store for them. Please help us to continue to help them continue god's great work.
If you want to consider giving to a place that is so near and dear to my heart. Check out the Sox Place website and click on the donate tab or if you'd like to send it in the mail this is where checks can be mailed to:
PO BOX 544
Denver, Co 80201-0544
I'm so lucky that Doyle's let me be a part of what he and Jordan started 11 years ago even if it was for just a very short period of time. Thank You.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
As I learn more and more about the brokenness of this world it becomes harder and harder to write about, so I found a quote from a book that I read for gap year by Henry Nouwen and this is what he says:
“Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into the places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish. Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep with those in tears. Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak, vulnerable with the vulnerable, and powerless with the powerless. Compassion means full immersion in the condition of being human."
“Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into the places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish. Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep with those in tears. Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak, vulnerable with the vulnerable, and powerless with the powerless. Compassion means full immersion in the condition of being human."
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Find Something A Little Extraordinary....
This year I gave up something familiar to receive something extraordinary. And I know all good things take time and what I have going on here in Denver is a good thing. But sometimes just like all things in life they just get really hard. And I'm not blogging to complain ( I use my room mates for that....just kidding) but I'm blogging because I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated that I only have a month left at Sox Place and right now I can't even imagine leaving my internship that holds such a big part of my heart. I can't imagine leaving these kids that I've learned to love as siblings or even Doyle, Jordan and Benten (my bosses).
I've been working with this girl at Sox Place and she's been doing really well she was 18 days sober on Thursday. We've been praying together a lot for her to let go of a lot of things that she holds onto from her past. But what was the most frustrating to me is when she came in on Thursday and she was out of mind on drugs. I know it's not my life and it's not my place to tell her what to do but I was angry at her. Part of me was angry with myself.Was I not doing enough? Did I miss something? I felt very defeated, like there's nothing I do or say to ever turn this around.
Earlier this year I went on what I told you guys about was a 'turf tour' something that resonated with me from that as well as the retreat from this past weekend was this.
When you only hangout light with light imagine who's in the dark
My purpose in Sarah's life is not to fix or change her she's going to need to want that on her own. And she obviously doesn't based on what I'm seeing but my job is to provide a source of light in her place of darkness. The company she holds is in the same darkness she does so I can't imagine how much drowning she must be doing. Like the light God and gap year have been in my life. I have the honor of being that for her. So I just ask that you pray for Sarah and that her darkness overflows with light and God's presence.
Another thing that's been on my mind a lot is what to do next year. What's next? I can feel it in my heart the change day by day as I let the stories of Sox Place overcome my heart. I don't want to do the same things everyone else is doing. I don't want to live this cookie cutter christian life anymore. All the things that mattered to me last year and in high school are so irrelevant in my life now. As I said earlier I gave up something familiar in order to receive something extraordinary. And that I have but I worry so much about what I'm going to do with that. This is the first time in my life I have truly not had a plan. Not having a plan is my biggest fear but also one of the biggest blessings (in disguise sometimes).I'm free to do whatever it is that I feel moved to do. Sometimes anxiety takes over and it's like Sarah what are you doing....college deadlines are approaching. But this year for me is really learning to trust god and give myself over to him. And what I realized that sometimes not having a plan is the best thing for that because when I'm not so focused in sticking to 'my plan' I can listen to my heart and keep my ears open to follow gods.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1spkhp41ig4
I've been working with this girl at Sox Place and she's been doing really well she was 18 days sober on Thursday. We've been praying together a lot for her to let go of a lot of things that she holds onto from her past. But what was the most frustrating to me is when she came in on Thursday and she was out of mind on drugs. I know it's not my life and it's not my place to tell her what to do but I was angry at her. Part of me was angry with myself.Was I not doing enough? Did I miss something? I felt very defeated, like there's nothing I do or say to ever turn this around.
Earlier this year I went on what I told you guys about was a 'turf tour' something that resonated with me from that as well as the retreat from this past weekend was this.
When you only hangout light with light imagine who's in the dark
My purpose in Sarah's life is not to fix or change her she's going to need to want that on her own. And she obviously doesn't based on what I'm seeing but my job is to provide a source of light in her place of darkness. The company she holds is in the same darkness she does so I can't imagine how much drowning she must be doing. Like the light God and gap year have been in my life. I have the honor of being that for her. So I just ask that you pray for Sarah and that her darkness overflows with light and God's presence.
Another thing that's been on my mind a lot is what to do next year. What's next? I can feel it in my heart the change day by day as I let the stories of Sox Place overcome my heart. I don't want to do the same things everyone else is doing. I don't want to live this cookie cutter christian life anymore. All the things that mattered to me last year and in high school are so irrelevant in my life now. As I said earlier I gave up something familiar in order to receive something extraordinary. And that I have but I worry so much about what I'm going to do with that. This is the first time in my life I have truly not had a plan. Not having a plan is my biggest fear but also one of the biggest blessings (in disguise sometimes).I'm free to do whatever it is that I feel moved to do. Sometimes anxiety takes over and it's like Sarah what are you doing....college deadlines are approaching. But this year for me is really learning to trust god and give myself over to him. And what I realized that sometimes not having a plan is the best thing for that because when I'm not so focused in sticking to 'my plan' I can listen to my heart and keep my ears open to follow gods.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1spkhp41ig4
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Things week our routine carried on its hard to believe the time in Denver is flying by! Our usual business was carried out at Sox Place and I'm loving it there! This week we had our first real dose of cold weather with a tad bit of snow (which is hard to believe because it was 80 in the beginning of the week). This weekend I went up to CU Boulder for a tour with Caroline, Kayla, and Courtney and it was a blast a great time with a lot of laughs which is so relaxing after working hard all week! For our civic engagement this week we did a hipster hunt which was a scavenger hunt for hipsters we had a list of items we needed to get pictures of like a fixie bike and a coffee over four dollars or a man wearing skinny jeans! It really was a blast! I really don't have much to say besides that we've sort've fallen into a routine as we settle into Denver. Its hard to believe we'll be ready to be going home in a few weeks!
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Ok so I keep doing this to y'all and missing blog posts. I apologize to friends and family that have been waiting this one. The truth is I've been journaling a lot. It's the way I process things. I've never really been a public person about the way I'm feeling so thats why its so tough for me to publicly blast every vunerable moment I have all over the internet. But thats just it. I've been having a lot of those lately. As we reach the critical season that was talked about in orientation It isn't so much that I was getting ticked at certain people in the group or even homesick its just I don't know the more and more I'm here I've seen what a fallen world we live in and I feel like I see it with my eyes but my heart just supress all these feeling of hurt and work toward motivation to help in anyway I can. Classes with Millie have helped me understand this about myself. First of all I'm a 2 in an enegram test which means I'm a helper and I put others before myself but I also looked to be recognized in that. As a two Greg has taught me that compassion fatigue can take over quickly thats why our artist dates (or as I call it 'me' time) is so important. I've done a lot of that this weekend weather it be retail therapy or just messing around with the awesome friends that I have made here. But even on my artist date I can't help but think about all the things I've seen.
Two weeks ago we went on whats called a turf tour, it's run by dry bones a nonprofit organization that actually works in the street with the kids. We climbed into tunnels, crawled in the bridges where they sleep, analyzed garbage and picked up needles. What was so facinating to me was the new way I looked at the city. For example the bridges are engeneeered with rocks in them so that homeless people will be so uncomfortable that they won't sleep there. We also climbed into the "freedoooom"tunnel which was a challenge for me because I'm sort've claustrophobic (thank goodness for logan behind me). But my experience in the freedoom tunnel was a dark one. I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face. I also realized as we waddled through the tunnel that the way into the tunnel was a lot shorter than the way out. And one of our tour guides made a comment she said, (referring to the people that take cover in them)" When you only hangout light with light imagine who's in the dark".
This made me immediately think about my friends at Sox place, Mileana, Simon, Face, Leroy, and Glitter bear aka clarrissa. The other day as glitterbear leaned on me I realized that I truely could not give her the answers she was looking for even when I provided its god's plan she inquired how he could let her life go to chaos since the age of two.
Going back to the tunnel it is now that I realize I don't need to provide her with answers but just light. She's one of those thats surrounded by her friends who are also in the dark and I can be that friend thats stable and maybe shed some light without really using any words at all.
Speaking of those who are light. While the life of the homeless seems to be dreadful and hard my friends Mileana and face seem to walk in the light. I've never met such gracious, helpful, greatful people in my life helping to clean up after the place closes they really do represent the epitome of respect for Jordan and Doyle. Instead of speaking truths whatever that is into their lives they spoke it into mine and even made a playlist for me along they way.Thursday I had to say goodbye to face and mileana as they venture to the west for the colder months. I wish my dear friends nothing but light and the best of luck and for all of my readers out there to keep praying for the safety and health of my favorite train riders (Face and Mileana) .
Here just a little clip of the playlist face made me and it pretty much had been on repeat for the past week and its what I listened to while I wrote this and all my other journal entries.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uurrp6JADI0
Two weeks ago we went on whats called a turf tour, it's run by dry bones a nonprofit organization that actually works in the street with the kids. We climbed into tunnels, crawled in the bridges where they sleep, analyzed garbage and picked up needles. What was so facinating to me was the new way I looked at the city. For example the bridges are engeneeered with rocks in them so that homeless people will be so uncomfortable that they won't sleep there. We also climbed into the "freedoooom"tunnel which was a challenge for me because I'm sort've claustrophobic (thank goodness for logan behind me). But my experience in the freedoom tunnel was a dark one. I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face. I also realized as we waddled through the tunnel that the way into the tunnel was a lot shorter than the way out. And one of our tour guides made a comment she said, (referring to the people that take cover in them)" When you only hangout light with light imagine who's in the dark".
This made me immediately think about my friends at Sox place, Mileana, Simon, Face, Leroy, and Glitter bear aka clarrissa. The other day as glitterbear leaned on me I realized that I truely could not give her the answers she was looking for even when I provided its god's plan she inquired how he could let her life go to chaos since the age of two.
Going back to the tunnel it is now that I realize I don't need to provide her with answers but just light. She's one of those thats surrounded by her friends who are also in the dark and I can be that friend thats stable and maybe shed some light without really using any words at all.
Speaking of those who are light. While the life of the homeless seems to be dreadful and hard my friends Mileana and face seem to walk in the light. I've never met such gracious, helpful, greatful people in my life helping to clean up after the place closes they really do represent the epitome of respect for Jordan and Doyle. Instead of speaking truths whatever that is into their lives they spoke it into mine and even made a playlist for me along they way.Thursday I had to say goodbye to face and mileana as they venture to the west for the colder months. I wish my dear friends nothing but light and the best of luck and for all of my readers out there to keep praying for the safety and health of my favorite train riders (Face and Mileana) .
Here just a little clip of the playlist face made me and it pretty much had been on repeat for the past week and its what I listened to while I wrote this and all my other journal entries.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uurrp6JADI0
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Yesterday was my birthday and I have to say I could NOT ask for better room mates!! They are simply the best!!! Being away from my family was hard but in a sense I was with my new family, my kivu family. Not to mention I am completely and utterly in love with my internship. I met my real boss Doyle and he could easily be one of the most interesting mentors I will ever have. He has a great outlook/ understanding of life. I'm so happy he has taken me under his wing and I can't wait to grow and learn with him.
Seeing all my friends pictures from college parties and what not made me feel somewhat left out....at first. Was I making the right decision?Should I be in college right now? The date October 15 crept in my mind. How am I going to afford college after taking such an expensive journey montary wise and emotionally.But after yesterday I am so sure of right where I need to be and couldnt be happier. The book I'm reading for class reminded me of a scripture that is very much applicable to all that I'm feeling. Jesus says, " do not worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will take care of itself each day has enough trouboel of its own' MATTHEW 6:34
Seeing all my friends pictures from college parties and what not made me feel somewhat left out....at first. Was I making the right decision?Should I be in college right now? The date October 15 crept in my mind. How am I going to afford college after taking such an expensive journey montary wise and emotionally.But after yesterday I am so sure of right where I need to be and couldnt be happier. The book I'm reading for class reminded me of a scripture that is very much applicable to all that I'm feeling. Jesus says, " do not worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will take care of itself each day has enough trouboel of its own' MATTHEW 6:34
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Today marks my first full week at KIVU. So far I've gone a week in the woods with out cell service, withheld a shower for 2 days and worn the same two outfits for a week now. So not like me. I'm definetly learning. We spend our first day doing team bonding exercises with Andy and then learning love languages with Jamie Jo. I wish I could start all my relationships here at KIVU! I have learned more about these 13 people in this short amount of time than I know about some of my best friends. I can honestly say whole heartedly that we have the best group ever. Everyone has something to offer and I truly believe I can learn something from every single one of them!
This week I learned how much of a tom boy I really can be. I also learned that the love languages I connect with people are physical touch and quality time. I also left a lot of baggage at the bottom of the ice lake trail which was probably the hardest for me. The fear of not being able to connect with my friends the same way I do now probably scares me the most. A good friend *Alexis* told me that perhaps some friendships needed to go and while Im so incredibly scared of losing anyone in my life that in order for me to get what I want out of this gap year I need to let those people that hold me down go.
I've been asked several times throughout the course of this week why I wanted to do this gap year and I swear my answer changes every single time. While I want to find my relationship with god I also want to find myself. I want to find direction, the place where god needs me the most. I also don't want to just go off to college and waste four years partying. I want to do something that actually means something to someone else and not just myself. As cliche as it sounds I want to help people and if I can really help and make an impact in someone else's life like the Braner's have for me I wouldn't ask for anything else.
This week I learned how much of a tom boy I really can be. I also learned that the love languages I connect with people are physical touch and quality time. I also left a lot of baggage at the bottom of the ice lake trail which was probably the hardest for me. The fear of not being able to connect with my friends the same way I do now probably scares me the most. A good friend *Alexis* told me that perhaps some friendships needed to go and while Im so incredibly scared of losing anyone in my life that in order for me to get what I want out of this gap year I need to let those people that hold me down go.
I've been asked several times throughout the course of this week why I wanted to do this gap year and I swear my answer changes every single time. While I want to find my relationship with god I also want to find myself. I want to find direction, the place where god needs me the most. I also don't want to just go off to college and waste four years partying. I want to do something that actually means something to someone else and not just myself. As cliche as it sounds I want to help people and if I can really help and make an impact in someone else's life like the Braner's have for me I wouldn't ask for anything else.
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