Ok so I keep doing this to y'all and missing blog posts. I apologize to friends and family that have been waiting this one. The truth is I've been journaling a lot. It's the way I process things. I've never really been a public person about the way I'm feeling so thats why its so tough for me to publicly blast every vunerable moment I have all over the internet. But thats just it. I've been having a lot of those lately. As we reach the critical season that was talked about in orientation It isn't so much that I was getting ticked at certain people in the group or even homesick its just I don't know the more and more I'm here I've seen what a fallen world we live in and I feel like I see it with my eyes but my heart just supress all these feeling of hurt and work toward motivation to help in anyway I can. Classes with Millie have helped me understand this about myself. First of all I'm a 2 in an enegram test which means I'm a helper and I put others before myself but I also looked to be recognized in that. As a two Greg has taught me that  compassion fatigue can take over quickly thats why our artist dates (or as I call it 'me' time) is so important. I've done a lot of that this weekend weather it be retail therapy or just messing around with the awesome friends that I have made here. But even on my artist date I can't help but think about all the things I've seen.
       Two weeks ago we went on whats called a turf tour, it's run by dry bones a nonprofit organization that actually works in the street with the kids. We climbed into tunnels, crawled in the bridges where they sleep,  analyzed garbage and picked up needles. What was so facinating to me was the new way I looked at the city. For example the bridges are engeneeered with rocks in them so that homeless people will be so uncomfortable that they won't sleep there. We also climbed into the "freedoooom"tunnel which was a challenge for me because I'm sort've claustrophobic (thank goodness for logan behind me). But my experience in the freedoom tunnel was a dark one. I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face. I also realized as we waddled through the tunnel that the way into the tunnel was a lot shorter than the way out. And one of our tour guides made a comment she said, (referring to the people that take cover in them)" When you only hangout light with light imagine who's in the dark".
        This made me immediately think about my friends at Sox place, Mileana, Simon, Face, Leroy, and Glitter bear aka clarrissa. The other day as glitterbear leaned on me  I realized that I truely could not give her the answers she was looking for even when I provided its god's plan she inquired how he could let her life go to chaos since the age of two.
      Going back to the tunnel it is now that I realize I don't need to provide her with answers but just light. She's one of those thats surrounded by her friends who are also in the dark and I can be that friend thats stable and maybe shed some light without really using any words at all.
    Speaking of those who are light. While the life of the homeless seems to be dreadful and hard my friends Mileana and face seem to walk in the light. I've never met such gracious, helpful, greatful people in my life helping to clean up after the place closes they really do represent the epitome of respect for Jordan and Doyle. Instead of speaking truths whatever that is into their lives they spoke it into mine and even made a playlist for me along they way.Thursday I had to say goodbye to face and mileana as they venture to the west for the colder months. I wish my dear friends nothing but light and the best of luck and for all of my readers out there to keep praying for the safety and health of my favorite train riders (Face and Mileana) .

Here just a little clip of the playlist face made me and it pretty much had been on repeat for the past week and its what I listened to while I wrote this and all my other journal entries.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uurrp6JADI0